WALT- This is my recount that i write about is the weekends. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
Heart beating and legs shaking and CHEERING, On Saturday me, my mum, my dad, cousins and Taonga went to kerikeri to watch Taonga and Lavaniah’s game. I only went because it was my b-day. When we got there they were already there and Taonga and Lavaniah were the last ones there. When they started to play Laviniah got winded and then she went back on she got the ball straight away and got picked up and thrown to the grown. Lavaniah got player of the day because when she got winded she got back up and never gave up.
After that we went to the Warehouse to get me some STUFF. When we got inside the shop smult nicer than a FLOWER. My dad said “ Charlee, HURRY UP you only got 5 minutes and then we are off”. So i quickly ran off as fast as i could and i had to get some Church shoes, some school shoes and i told my dad” Dad, can i get me some school clothes as well and dad said”Yes, but hurry up you only got 2 more minutes left, so off i went to go and get me some clothes and i only came back with a juse and some tites with soe socks and they were all ready getting there stuff done, so i ran up to the count and mum said”Charlee, is that what you want and i said” Yes mum that is what is what i want and dad seen me and said”Charlee, are you finished getting your clothes” and I said” Yes dad but can we go and get some Mcdonalds” and mum said with me”PLEASE”. Dad could not resist the puppy eyes so he said “YES”. So off we went to the Mcdonalds and then off we go home.
That day was the BEST because i got to spend my Birthday with my parents and my cousins.
Hi Charlee my name is Danica from St Patrick's School. This is a very good piece of writing, I really enjoyed reading it. Your hook was something that grabbed my attention and it really made me want to read on. Maybe next time you could get someone to double check it for you because there are a few spelling mistakes. I can't wait for your next piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteblog ya later Danica
you can check out my blog at http://stpatricksgmdanicaw.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi Charlee, I agree. You are trying to get readers attention with your hook. Ka pai. I encourage you to proof reading your work as you are not using basic punctuation. I have seen your other recounts where you used paragraphs between each main event, this is great to see. Remember you can paragraph the introduction too. Lastly, Happy Birthday ;)
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